I grew up moving from place to place always making new friends and fitting in. I never found myself having to finish anything because I could “BS” my way through it or just abandon it without consequence. Fitting in was always important to me, so I learned to perform. Life was an act: home, church, school, friendships, etc. I made it all work by conforming in order to be somebody, and I made a lot of messes.
Along the way, there were always people who loved me as I was—no strings attached. They were real when I was not. I found out that people who really love you aren’t afraid to help you face consequences. In the end, pain and punishment squeezes things out of you that you didn’t even know you were capable of doing. As a result, I learned from them the power of grace—giving people more leeway than they deserve and never giving up on them—and then decided to be someone who did the same.
What I discovered about me is that I am a performer. It’s a gift. I like to be up front and when I am, I do the most good for others. And conforming? I was simply using my performance talents to cope with all the change in my life.
Do you know what it is like to destroy the best in you to cope with the worst in you and others? Eventually, you hate the best thing about you because it has been your only defense for so long. I realized that much of my pain as a young person was unnecessary. It came from not embracing who I was meant to be—a performer, a teacher, a visionary leader. I don’t want anyone else to ever have to pretend in order to be somebody when I know that God has already created them for a special purpose. By simply believing in them, encouraging them to be true to their Godly passions, and challenging them to try things out, I now partner with people until they discover who they are and their place in community.
I am blessed beyond description.
